I rule. 'nuff said.
I woke up theiI woke up this morning feeling all jazzed up and ready to write, but here I am staring at the screen, unable to put anything down. This is where, in the past, I would get discouraged, give up, and feel terrible about myself for a few months. I want to make this time different, so I'm going to power through this one. If I can make it through this first hump, I think I'll be okay.
HERE I GOOOOOOOO!!!
I didn’t get as much written yesterday as I’d hoped, but I did do a fair bit. It’s been an interesting few days. I’ve been waking up and looking forward to getting writing done every day. This is something that is totally foreign to me. It’s not a bad feeling, just new.
I won’t turn on my desktop until I’m satisfied with the amount or quantity of content that I’ve done. Yesterday, I didn’t turn it on until around 10PM, and that was just to watch the 300 Rifftrax with Haley. If she hadn’t wanted to watch that, I might have gone a whole day without turning it on, which means a whole day without watching a movie or show on Netflix and a whole day without playing any videogames. Which is a heck of a thing for me.
Afterwards, I tried to pound out a few more paragraphs in my short story, but I didn’t get very far. Instead, I reread Haley’s story and then read Emery’s. His is a bit of a doozy, clocking in at a hefty 65 pages. By contrast, both Haley’s and mine are 5 pages long.
We have Vampire tonight, so I lost about an hour cleaning, and another half for lunch. That leaves me about two hours left to get anything useful done. To the grindstone!
I can tell already that I'm not going to be able to write anything today. Feeling a bit worn out, no creativity, and my hand is starting to ache from all the typing of the last few days. I guess I'll have a break/recharge day today, maybe try again tomorrow. Of course, tomorrow is the first meeting of the Stinklings, so while I might not get a chance to write anything, I'll defintely get nice and jazzed up from discussing all of this
The first meeting of The Stinklings went really, really well. Haley, Bailey, and I met with Emery at a Korean place called Bee Wan. I’ve never had Korean, and to be truthful, was a little reticent. Haley and I brought our stories; Bailey just wanted to say goodbye to Emery who left this morning for a six-week trip to
We chatted about Vampire and Changeling, laid out plans for the next genre(urban fantasy), had some rather tasty food(that’s what I get for being close-minded), and talked our stories.
I got a lot of good feedback from the two of them. Apparently, my technical ability has survived the years of atrophy with minor decay, which is very comforting to me. The story, however, definitely needs some tightening up. I need to find out what I actually want to say with the story, and I need to draw some of the periphery more clearly. I need to address motivation and have the main character do something; as it is, he is the passive agent in the story. Basically, I need to make the story work better than it does now.
Through the course of the discussion, we discovered something interesting relating to how people read stories. When I wrote mine and when Emery read it, we concentrated on the male lead. I wrote a female supporting character, but she was sort of an element of the main character’s life, rather than a character with her own life. So, he and I both accepted her and her actions and her level of interaction.
Haley read it and sort of latched onto the woman, and so she was waiting for some big reveal to happen, which never did. She pointed out little things that the character would logically do in real life that I neglected to have her do in the story, which led Haley to construct a different narrative while reading. Part of the reason for this is that I simply didn’t find her as important as the story I was trying to tell. Emery and I both accepted the sketch of the character.
I found it pretty interesting, and it made me wonder if it was a gender thing- as in, do boys and girls read things differently and assign different narrative weight to different characters?
All in all, it was a very good meeting and I’m already revising the month one story and am plotting out the month two.
Also, we started our SWARMiversary week with Minecraft. We fought the Ender Dragon and thumped him soundly, then went on a wonderful TNT spree, blowing up certain eyesores that had been constructed in the world. It was so much fun. I think I had forgotten how much I really like that game. And the SWARM makes everything so much better. To quote TA. ‘I’m glad the SWARM was here with me, at the End of all things.’
We casted Barrow Hill last night, the very first game that we ever casted, back when it was called Haley and Kyle Play Adventure Games, and we only planned to play Tuesdays and Thursdays. That was three years ago. Wild. We don’t remember the exact date that we started casting, but we know it was sometime in the beginning of August, so we just celebrate all week with games and events. Tonight is ‘Cavalcade of Terrible Games with Kyle Challenges.’ It should be fun; the SWARM is pretty creative, though I do fear for my nuts.
It’s a strange thing, casting. When we started out three years ago, there was no Twitch(hereafter known as Shitch). We were on Justin.tv in the Gaming channels. There was only about three pages of us, and we regularly pulled in 15-20 viewers, which would put us in the top five most nights. Then, Shitch budded off and took over the gaming section, shit up everything and somehow managed to attract multiple tens of thousands of viewers and many hundreds of casters. We don’t webcam, we don’t speedrun, and we don’t play competitive games, so you can usually find us with our 4-11 regular viewers waaaaaaaaaay down in the boonies.
I used to get really discouraged when I would look at other casts and check out their numbers. Girls with webcams rake in viewers, which, on the internet, is to be expected. Speedrunners and competitive plays are drowning in viewers, for reasons that I understand, but don’t really get. Most of those people barely interact at all with their chat, and a number of them don’t even use a mic. It used to get me really down that Haley and I were trying so hard, and it felt like it didn’t matter.
Then, I got over it. We have the SWARM. We have a really nice, really tight, really fun group of friends now. Not viewers. Friends. Casting isn’t like a job for us. It’s more like pulling out a couch, bringing a few good friends over and playing games and hanging out. That’s alright for me. I like the people we have. I like that most of them have been coming around for over two years. I like having a place for all of us weird freaks to gather. For heaven’s sake, Haley doesn’t even call them by their usernames, she’s on a first name basis with them. That’s pretty neat, I think.
It’s now at the point, where a lot of the times, I’d prefer to cast a brand new game than play it by myself. Playing videogames has turned into a neat social activity for me. That’s all due to the amazingness of the SWARM. They make playing video games better. And, I know a lot of people say that they’re ‘community’ is the best. They are all wrong. The SWARM is the best, and that’s a scientific fact. They’re the best because it’s not just a bunch of people who are fans of the same thing. They don’t give a shit. The SWARM is the best because it’s all friends. We all like each other on our own merits, not because of some stupid internet person.
Hats off to you, SWARM. You’re the best thing on the internet.
P.S. It all started with Haley
I’ve started my urban fantasy story for The Stinklings Month 2. My story stems from an idea I had a few years ago while watching a certain Disney movie. I’m actually sort of excited about it. I just punched out three pages and I think it’s going to be good. Are writers allowed to have positive opinions about their own stuff?
The SWARMiversary continues. Tonight is Super Mario World, one of Haley’s favorites, and a highlight clip show. That just means that we’ll be playing loads of the highlights that we’ve made over the three years of casting. I think we’re somewhere in the realm of thirty highlights. Not bad, not bad at all.
I really want a new laptop. Not even a gaming machine, I have a desktop for that. I just need a good laptop to write on, I’ve always enjoyed writing more on my current piece of trash laptop than my desktop. I think it has a lot to do with the keyboard and the fact that you can sit anywhere you want with it. I dunno. I’ve been looking for a while now, but I just won’t pull the trigger. Most of them are Windows 8, which is a hard no for me, and I’m very particular about the feel and the sound of the keyboard. Honestly, if I could find a new version of the one I’m using now, I’d probably be down for it. The keys are perfectly spaced, perfect height, and ideal sensitivity. The only thing bringing it down is that it’s something like ten years old and pieces are falling off the monitor. I’ve been emailing what I write to myself, just in case the moment comes when the bastard won’t turn on anymore.
I’ve tried Haley’s laptop, but I hate the keyboard. The keys are spaced, like, a mile apart. Andrew’s laptop keyboard’s keys are too big. Honestly, though, I’ve always been picky about keyboards. I’ve had the same one since 2003, and haven’t bought a new one because I just don’t like they way they’ve felt or sounded. Gogas actually has one that I kinda like, but, of course, it’s something like 80 dollars. A bit out of my price range. At least my G13 Gameboard is kicking ass.
Writer’s block today. I think I’d forgotten how frustrating it can be, having suffered years of it. I know how I want the story to proceed, but I’m stuck at a point and don’t know how to get it from here to that next plot point that will allow me to continue. So it goes. These things happen, I suppose. I just need to buckle down and push through. I also keep looking at my story from last month for revision, but I’m just not sure what I want to say with it, so I haven’t made any progress on that one, either.
Last night’s SWARMiversary game was Mushroom Age. We couldn’t start till Valentine got home, as excited as he was to see it, so we killed some time with Super Meat Boy. I actually kinda like that game. It’s clean, easy to play, lots of challenge, good music. I feel like I’m not good at video games anymore, so it’s nice to be able to play at least a little bit of one of those famously difficult games. I didn’t make it too terribly far, but far enough for me, despite Gogas calling me casual cancer.
Then, we started up some of the infamous Mushroom Age. It’s a great game and a lot of fun to cast. Unfortunately, Twitch is shit. They’re hosting an ENORMOUS DotA 2 tournament, and because they’re complete idiots and total greedy amateurs, they are woefully illequipped for it, so they’re fucking over all the other casters. I know that we don’t bring in money. I know that we don’t bring in viewers. But, dammit, we’ve been casting for three years, and this is the SWARMiversary. It’s a very special week for us, this celebration of the SWARM. So, last night, our cast kept dropping because shitty Twitch doesn’t not know how to code or handle server stress.
I dunno. I know it’s a lot of whining, but it’s very frustrating and very disheartening, because Haley and I have been looking forward to this week for a long time. Honestly, it’s very disappointing and depressing, and it kinda makes me want to just cry like a little dumb baby. It’s just crushing disappointment. Oh, well. So it goes.
Tonight we’re supposed to do the highlight show, but buggered if we know if it’s going to happen, shittygoddamnedtwitchmotherfuckers. I just feel like it’s going to get worse, and it’s going to become more and more of a place that has no room for us anymore. But, what can do we do? Stupid motherfuckers are the only game in town.
We went to Office Max today. I kinda like that store, I think I dig all the stuff they sell. I looked at the keyboards they had for sale, and I think that if I buy a new keyboard, it’ll be one of those cool ergonomic ones that are split in half. I’m not going to be gaming with it; I have my cool G13 for that. It would be for typing only, so it might be a good choice. I also spent a little time with a mechanical Black Widow Ultimate. It was pretty hot, but very pricey.
Yesterday I played about an hour of Skyward Sword. Man, I’d really like that game a lot if it didn’t have the stupid motion controls. I’d kill for a controller mod for that game. I still like it, but that controls are a heavy mark against it, unfortunately. The soundtrack is really good, so that brings the score back up.
Holy smokes, this entry is all over the place. Does Youtube do live streaming?
Though it did its damnedest, Twitch didn’t ruin the SWARMiversary, after all. The final night was some episodes of Golden Boy, Bulletstorm Booze and Giveaway, and then Super Mario World with Skype-ins. We had some drops while playing Golden Boy, and resolved that if it got too bad during Bulletstorm, we’d just have a massive Ventrilo session and drink all night. As it turns out, Haley discovered that the final DotA match was at 11, so we simply powered through and waited until after the stupid tournament to do our drawing for the Golden Boy cell. As it turns out, Lazz won, which is really great, he’s been around for a long time, he LOVES Kintaro(and Noises Off, incidentally. Kid must have good taste.), and I think he deserves it.
We played Bulletstorm for a little while and then switched over to Super Mario World for some quick ten-minute mods, and SWARMie call-ins. We just chatted a bit and asked them for their favorite memories. It was really sweet. I have to say, I’m a fan of the SWARM. They’re all good people. They make casting fun.
Then, Saturday, we went to the Castle for Taina’s 21st. Haley corseted her up and let her wear a little top hat. She even got Taina a little glowing badge that said something about her being 21. So, she got into the Castle for free, which is a nice thing, I think, for a club to do.
ACTUALLY, the first fifty people got in free as well. I was the 53rd. Valentine was the first one who had to pay. Chris and Andrea got in for free. So, we chilled out a little bit, I had a pretty weak rum and coke, saw the Senator(some old dude who wears lingerie and apparently had a boner), and generally just relaxed and enjoyed the music. Poor Taina, though, had woken up at 2am that day and had eaten very little, so the drinks she rather quickly consumed did her no favors. We ended up having to leave early, and headed back to the house. I convinced Chris to stick around a little and play some awesome Mortal Kombat. After that, I killed my leftovers from a few days before and slept.
Sunday, I wasted most of the day playing Minecraft. Curse you, bitch goddess of Minecraft for seducing me yet again! It’s just so much fun, got that addicting thing happening for it.
Ended the night finishing off Always Sunny with Haley, and then I watched Battleship. That movie is actually pretty shockingly good, I found. It’s pretty funny, looks cool, has lots of explosions and neat sci-fi stuff and has tons of references to the game, which I wasn’t even counting on. Awesome big things like them hunting the aliens on a giant improvised Battleship board, and really nifty little things like the explosives the aliens fire being the little red pieces from the game. That just delighted me to no end. I kept pausing the movie and running back to tell Haley all about it, most likely boring her to tears. There was a fair bit of clichéd stuff in it, but I enjoyed it a lot more than I thought I would.
And, of course, I’m still chipping away at my urban fantasy story. I realized that while, yes, I am able to write again, which is thrilling for me, what I’m writing isn’t any good. I keep rereading the story and find myself just kind of unhappy with how it reads. I suppose I just need to keep trying and resist that ever-present urge to give up. The only way to get better is to continue writing. But, compared to what I did years ago, I have a long way to go. So it goes. Only way is up.
Minecraft is a pretty sweet game. I think most anybody who plays it will know that. The sheer vastness of the world to explore is worthy of the game, but add to that the incredible variety and amount of things to build and create, and you have a really spectacular game. And it’s unlike any other game that I play. I suppose you could liken it to Garry’s Mod, in the way you play, but it’s more of an experience than a sandbox, I think.
There are two main modes, creative and survival. Creative mode is great if you want unlimited resources and want to build, say, Minas Tirith It’s good for the, obviously, creative types and the sort that know what they want to build and can focus on that task. You have infinite blocks, you can fly, and you are invulnerable. You are the architect of your own world.
In survival mode, one starts with nothing and must construct everything from scratch. You have to build a shelter, you have to forge weapons to defend yourself from monsters and tools to use, and you need to find food. Generally, this means making wooden tools and living in a hole in the ground. As you explore, you’ll upgrade to stone, then iron, then diamond tools and weapons.
Unsurprisingly, my feeble attempts at creative mode have yielded little more than a few giant dirt towers that may or may not resemble a phallus. (Hint- they do). I much prefer survival.
I like being thrust into the world, with nothing but the clothes on my back(though I’m sure there are nude player models floating around). You’re forced to scrabble out an existence in a not-too-unforgiving world. I like always having something that needs done. For instance, on our current world, the SWARM has colonized LARGE chunks of the world. Walk in any direction from our central village, and you’ll encounter our stuff for days. I wanted to strike out and discover fresh, untouched land.
So, I did a sort of vision quest thing. I removed all my armor and all my items and placed them in a box in my home at one of our outer villages. I took only a sword and a few steaks, picked a direction and walked for a few days. Passed a lot of land, killed a few cows and pigs for their meat (raw until I could find a way to cook it), and fought off a number of zombie and spider attacks. One of the cool things about Minecraft is all of the amazing terrain it will generate. I passed swamplands, plains, mountains, steppes, a few deserts, and a jungle or two. I then came to snowy country on the coast of a frozen sea.
I thought, Here. Here I will build my new life.
So I chopped down a couple trees for their wood and built some wooden tools. An axe, a pickaxe, a shovel. I found a hill overlooking the frozen sea and began to build the foundation of my home. At first, I had to range for the wood, trees were sparse in the cold, inhospitable country. But, as I planted trees closer to me from the saplings that fell from the trees I chopped down, I could forest closer to home. Before long, I had a one story wooden house built. No amenites, just a bed, a stove, a door, and a workbench.
Knowing that I would need a renewable food source soon; if I killed all the animals around, I’d soon find myself starving. So, I dug a pit, put a fence around it and managed to get a couple cows, some chickens, and some sheep. I foraged for some time for some seeds in the sparse, scrubby grass. Finding some, I tilled some soil near the water and planted them. I struggled for a while with them, until I was able to build torches near them to keep the water from freezing over and wheat started to grow. I used the wheat to breed the animals, and I knew my food source was secured.
I built another story, baked sand into glass for windows, and began working on sustainability. Trees planted by me were generating the wood I needed, I could get sand from the shore for glass, underwater clay was fired into bricks. Next, I needed to explore underground for minerals such as iron and coal. I forged some weapons, prepared some food, took a pack of torches, and ventured underground.
I explored for some time, mining iron, coal, redstone, gold, and even found diamonds. I found an abandoned mining operation, overrun with cobwebs and continued their work, wondering what disaster had caused them to flee. Or had they all died? I stayed as long as I dared, and fled back to the surface, my packs laden with supplies from underground.
Now that I had iron for a bucket, I made a small growing garden by the house. Wheat and sugar cane. The sugar cane I used for maps and books. The wheat was used to breed animals, as before. In my house I built a fireplace, and for the first time, I felt I had a handle on things.
Days passed.
At night, I’d stay by the fire, warming myself against the icy chill outside. During the day, I would venture into the snowy wastes to tend to my animals, gather crops, and chop wood. Some nights, I’d don my homemade armor and the weapons I’d made myself and fight the zombies, creepers, and spiders that had trespassed on my land. Other nights, I’d gaze out of my second floor balcony and watch the moonlight snow gently fall, covering everything in beautiful white layers.
Alone, in the frozen wilderness, I was surviving.
That’s what I love about Minecraft. Even if I didn’t realize it or quantify it, I was sort of roleplaying in my head that I was living by my own wits in the wild. I was that dude, chopping wood, trudging through the snow, picking crops, and looking around in terror in the dark abandoned mines. Even if it wasn’t overt, and I wasn’t chatting in-character or anything, it was still happening. And I loved it.
The even better part? Since I was playing on the SWARM server, I knew that SWARMies were there, too, so far away and living out their own stories.
It’s a really cool game.
Played some more Minecraft yesterday. Not long, but enough to scratch the itch. I made the long trek to from my seaside cabin to the Cursed Lands. It’s really only a day’s journey. If you swing too far to the west, you’ll end up in a massive jungle, as I found out on the first leg of my trip. The trees were so densely clustered that, for the most part, I traveled on the treetops. I encountered a few spiders, which were swiftly dispatched by my enchanted sword of arachnophobia.
As I passed through the jungle, I came across a deep chasm of stone, a few meters wide. I peered over the edge, trying to see the bottom. I barely espied it, hundreds of meters down. Shivering, I backed away from the edge, marked its location on my map, and continued.
Eventually, I exited the jungle and made my way through a brown swampland. As night began to fall, I was soon battling my way through skeletons. I had one close call as I plunged into the swampy water, hoping for a shortcut. As I trudged through the muck, I felt an arrow spang! into my armor. From behind a tangle of vine, a skeleton glowered and notched another. Enraged, I brandished my sword and plunged through the water towards him. He let fly another arrow, and it impacted with brutal force, knocking me backward. Again I threw myself forward, and again an arrow bashed me back. And again, and again. I was quickly tiring, the savage impacts sapping my strength, and my body wearying from fighting the water’s resistance.
I knew that I would not be able to slay this foe with my blade, so I sheathed it, ducking a wild arrow, and drew my own bow. It glowed with the enchantment I had bestowed it, gifting magical power to the string. I notched an arrow and one of the skeleton’s struck me in the shoulder, sticking. I bellowed in rage and pain and let fly. The arrow was hurled from my bow with a hearty twang!, hurled with incredible speed and power. It tore through the underbrush, skewered the skeleton, and carried it back until it hit the bank and exploded, bones and dust scattering.
Grateful for my armor and relieved that my wounds were not life threatening, I continued. It wasn’t long before I was in desert and found myself in a pitched battle with a number of zombies. Luckily, I found these a much easier foe to dispatch and did so quickly. I narrowly evaded a creeper detonation which turned the surrounding area in a sizeable crater. I made a note to be more vigilant for their vile green bodies.
I made it to the Cursed Lands well before sun up. I rested for a time in my home there and met up with Haley. She bade me join her on the rail and experience a new attraction she’d created. I did so, remembering how my I enjoy the speed and swiftness of the rail. We passed through civilized country and I felt myself relax. This was an easy, kind land. A pleasant country. I remembered fondly my time spent here.
When we arrived at her creation, high above the ground, I marveled. I stepped off the rail and followed the path to the entrance. Snow Queen’s Palace, it said. And it was, indeed, quite frigid. I walked down the tunnel ice, glimpsing the ground far below. The ice was clear and perfectly formed, so it looked like there was nothing keeping me in the air. Vertigo quickly forced me to not look down. The tunnel made a few turns, each time a sign telling me to beware the Ice Queen and tempting me with precious jewels to turn back. I admit, I was tempted, but curiosity compelled me to continue. I soon arrived at the Queen’s Palace. It was grand and glistening, white and pure. I entered, fighting the fear that began to rise. There were a few rooms, empty and pristine. They looked untouched, or rather, unlived-in. In on room, I saw a door on either wall, opposite each other. I decided to try the door on the right first.
I walked to the door, my footsteps loud and echoing in the cold chamber. I pushed open the door to a blasphemy. Heads adorned the walls. Skeleton, creeper, zombie, and even human heads. All glaring in macabre silence at me for daring to disturb their horrible rest. Trembling, I stepped into the room and saw a cage. It was occupied. A villager, burbling and terrified, eyes wide and darting, was imprisoned in the cage. I grabbed at the bars, trying in vain to break them, desperate to free him. I drew my sword and hacked at it, doing little but dinging the blade.
Exhausted, knowing I couldn’t stay long, I breathed a whispered apology and backed away. The villager continued to squeak and dart about. As I left the room, I realized, with crushing dismay, that he hadn’t even known I’d tried. Across the room was another door and I opened it.
It appeared to be her room. I was fascinated. Here was her resting place, this Ice Queen, this terrible creature. A book lay on a chest and I opened it. It was written in her hand, delicate and frail, sparkling like the glinting of ice. She craved warmth. And the warmth the craved was best, hottest, fullest when it came from a beating heart. I shuddered and threw the book down. I’d overstayed my welcome. I quit room and opened the last door. It led to a darkened hallway with two doors at the far end. One of them promised life and sun, the other eternity with her.
I admit that I was drawn to her. I knew it would be my destruction, that all she promised she would deliver, but the thought of leaving her alone was a strangely unpleasant one. With effort, I forced myself to the sun room. I rode a rail up and out of the palace, my heart soaring with the sudden freedom. It was only at the end, walking down the path that led back to the beginning and rails to SWARMtopia that I remembered it was just a game that Haley had created. I tipped my hat to her and boarded the rail home.
In other news, my cousin just had a baby. Well, he didn’t, his wife did. Congratulations, Andrew! The baby is healthy and perfect.
Haley ran a really good scene last night for Changeling. Now, I have to write a Writer interlude of him dealing with some of the emotional fallout. I like scenes that make me realize I need to write something in response.
Anyway, my hand is starting to cramp up from typing, so I’m out.
I went to the beach the other day. It was a lot of fun. It’s a bit of a drive to get there, otherwise I’d do it a lot. Haley’s dad owns a condo on the beach over at Daytona, so we go there from time to time and spend the day. The waves were nice, the sun was out, just a tiny bit of a breeze. You know, it’s actually a few degrees cooler there than it is here in Orlando, so that was really nice, too. Boy oh boy, I hate summer here. It’s so brutally and painfully hot that even going from the front door to your car is a hellish experience. It’s oppressive and mind-numbing.
But, anyway, the beach was a great time. The water was cool, the sun was out, and there weren’t a lot of people crowding the area. I got some of my color back and Haley and Bailey got freaked out by a jumping fish. So, we went in and washed off and jumped in the pool for a while. Then, we relaxed on his balcony for a while, had dinner, and went home. It was a really good time. It made me miss living in my old apartment at Sun Key. It had a few pools in the complex that were rather clean and never crowded. When Haley and Bailey came to visit, we’d hit the pool up for a few hours, then take over one of the grills and make burgers and hotdogs or chicken. Of course, I paid out the wazoo for that place. Still, I have a lot of fond memories of that place. What I wouldn’t give for the current neighborhood to have a pool. Honestly, I don’t even know where the closest one is.
Regardless, I had a fun day at the beach.
Hitting that struggle spot again. I’m working on this month’s story for The Stinklings and I’m just plain stuck. I reread what I have so far, and I realized that I’m just stumbling through, hurrying to get to a plot point. And it shows. So, I deleted about two pages worth of stuff and am trying to rewrite the whole clumsy mess. This is all difficult for me, because writing use to come without any effort. I would just get an idea in my head, grab a notebook, and go. Granted, I didn’t write with the ease and volume that Haley did, but I still wrote a fair bit. Now, even though I feel like I can do it again, it’s taken effort. Effort that I’m not used to employing when it comes to this.
That’s alright, though. I guess I just need to keep working at it. And as long as I keep a positive sort of mind about it, I should be okay. No sense in getting discouraged and giving up for another six, seven years. When it gets like this, I just write a blog entry, which is kind of my cheat, I suppose. Anyway, back to the grind.
