So I start to wonder what I'm even doing, and why, if it just keeps going all to hell.

And sometimes, it just takes a phone call to make it all clear again. It is well.

Got another music video for you suckas.


Requiem for a Marine

As if Episodes 1 and 2 weren't bad enough, and as if the title of the Episode 3 isn't enough of a travesty, George Lucas is continuing his mad desire to completely destroy all that is good about Star Wars. If even half of the rumors are true, then Lucas has once again destroyed a masterpiece. Even the thought of cleaning up the old school special effects is like vomit in my mouth. But removing the old Anakin and replacing him with Hayden at the end of RotJ is unacceptable. Does this man really think that he's doing a good thing? Does he really think that he's making Star Wars better? Does he really believe that he's doing something other than completely desecrating Star Wars? What is he thinking? Why is he doing this? For the love of all things holy, George, stop this madness? At least include the original versions on the new DVD. But from what I've gathered, he won't even do that. Damn you, George! Damn you!

Now I remember why Quake 2 was so awesome. And there are actually people still playing it online. After 7 years, this game still has a following. That's longevity. And just playing brings back so many memorie of past friendships that it's almost too much to play. Almost. That blue white spiral still manages to inspire panic in me. . .ahhhhh


Sometimes, all I want to do is escape.

Girl- "So are you really a ladykiller?"

Me- "Yes, I am."

Girl- "Should I watch out for you?"

Me- "Without a doubt"

Girl- "Are you dangerous?"

Me- "Very"

All those girls are made of nothing more than lies and perfume.

I guess it's time to break out the Stabbing Westward again.

Well, not just yet. There may come a day when I return to that black hole. But it is not this day. Not this day.


I love Nikki.

This is all coming at the worst possible time. Like I need one more thing to go wrong in my life.
Almost $150 in debt. Dammit.

Damn Damn Damn Damn Damn Damn Damn Damn Damn Damn Damn Damn Damn Damn Damn Damn Damn Damn Damn Damn Damn Damn Damn Damn Damn Damn Damn Damn Damn Damn Damn Damn Damn Damn Damn Damn Damn Damn Damn Damn Damn Damn Damn Damn Damn Damn Damn Damn Damn Damn Damn Damn Damn Damn Damn Damn Damn Damn Damn Damn Damn Damn Damn Damn Damn Damn Damn Damn Damn Damn Damn Damn Damn Damn Damn Damn Damn Damn Damn Damn Damn Damn

EDIT- Updated my content pages.

Ah, the problem is that I can't take any action or it will make things worse. But that's all I want to do. It's so hard to sit here and depend on some one else. Even if they aren't on the shallow end of the sky. I just have to trust, and to have faith in what we have.

Ugh, I'm really struggling through this. I'm doing my best but I just keep failing. But I'm doing my best. Last night at work sucked. Every single customer I had was a couple. Everyone. I don't think that I had one non-couple customer. Dangit. A girl came in that looked like Nikki, if you saw her out of the corner of your eye. And she stayed for like a half hour. It was agony. I had a bunch of people ask about Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind, a movie I can't think about without thinking about her. We just put up haunted house advertisements. All it did was resurface nearly forgotten memories of the past two years and the time we went to the haunted house in Grove City together. It felt so good that night to have her with me, squeezing my hand so hard. And to top it all off, the radio station last night played two Nirvana songs in a row. I didn't even have a bloody chance.

And it didn't end last night. Today, it's raining. RAIN. All day, just what I need, for even the heavens above to mock me.


Plus, I'm now $250 in the whole.

ARGH!!!!

I'm actually feeling a little better today. I came to a few realizations. Que sera sera

I wish I could tell her that I miss the smell of her cigarettes
I wish I could tell her that I miss the way she would pick at my face.
I wish I could tell her that I poured my heart and soul into that list
I wish I could tell her that her letters made me feel so loved.
I wish I could tell her that her poetry is beautiful.
I wish I could tell her that I would give anything just to smell her cigarettes again.
I wish I could tell her that I want her back.
I wish I could tell her that I look at her picture every night before I go to sleep.
I wish I could tell her that I put everything back where it was.
I wish I could tell her that I miss her.
I wish I could tell her that I pray for her every night.
I wish I could tell her that she’s made my life so much better.
I wish I could tell her that I wouldn’t trade these two years for anything.
I wish I could tell her that I pass the Sushi Boat every day.
I wish I could tell her that I love her.
I wish I could tell her everything that I’m forced to hold in.
But I can’t.

I just don't bloody understand.

Patience. I'm still struggling so powerfully with this, but I'm learning patience and trust. It will turn out well.

I thought it was going to rain today.


It didn't.