I like the narative flow of the poem and the emotional carriage. I think that some of the actual wording is a little hard to make mental pictures from, but even that is ok considering the context. I would personally have liked a narrative structure that was more in tune with the tempo of how you wanted it read. It feels really good. I like it a lot!
MacDaddyTatsu (guest)
MacDaddyTatsu (guest)
Narzack
