So, here we are.  We made it to 2021, having survived the worst year in my living memory.  And we lost a lot along the way, both people and any idealism about this country we had left.  It was a really bad year.  First, it was my stepdad.  Then a few months later, Haley’s dad.  After that her grandfather, and then finally, on Thanksgiving, our very dear friend Matt.  That last one might be the hardest to process.  I mean, each death hurts and burns in its unique way, but with Matt, it was so unexpected and so. . . unjust.  We’re still reeling from it.  He wasn’t sick, he wasn’t in poor health, he wasn’t depressed.  Just one day he was here, and the next, he was gone.

Receiving the news was like a kick to the gut.  Over a month on, and I still can’t wrap my head around it.  It’s so wretched and horrible.  Like, 2020, the horror shit year that it is, doesn’t deserve to take him.  He is better than 2020, heck, he’s better than any of us.  He can’t just be another name in the endless litany of people who died in 2020.  Just so shitty.

Fortunately, though, nothing was really unsaid between all of us.  We’re very open and honest with our feelings in the SWARM, and he knew how much we loved him and we know how much he valued us.  And, in the group, it kind of made it even more important for us to never leave anything unsaid.  And, really, because of the pandemic, the SWARM has actually spent a lot of time together.  Marc lived near him and they spent a lot of time together, and they all played games like Warzone and hung out in discord voice chat, so, really, we’ve gotten even closer than most years.  The only shit of it is that we haven’t been able to meet in person this year.

In addition to losing friends, family, and hope, Haley ended up shattering her ankle and having surgery.  She’s still not completely well, but, she’s begun physical therapy, so hopefully it gets better.  But’s she’s had a really hard time of it, and Max doesn’t respect physical limits- shocking, I know.

Other than the heart-rending misery of the year, a few good things have happened.  We finally got out of Florida, which I have been trying to do for years.  We actually moved back up to the area I grew up, near my family. And I managed to score a travel gig for a few months which was perfect timing for us.  Also, Haley and Max got their first real white Christmas, which is AWESOME.  Max, I don’t think quite understands, but we know he is a lot happier up here.  And believe it or not, our dog Pax kinda likes the snow!  We were sure he would be terrified of it, as he is most things, but he bounded and rolled in it and had a great time.

So, yeah, this year has been trying. 

Currently reading: Ancestor by Scott Sigler
Currently watching: Toast of London Season 2
Currently feeling: optimistic
Posted by Narzack on January 3, 2021 at 10:01 PM | Get some!
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