I get no stinking respect when I'm on my bike. Pedestrians walk out in front of me, forcing me to wildly weave and dodge out of the way. Cars cut me off, forces me to the side of the road, and in one rather alarming case, tap my back wheel. I almost got a faceful of concrete. One of these days I'm gonna get worked over out there. And I'm gonna be pretty bloody mad.

And I'm sick.

Fook.

I had a good day today. Thank you.

Mario Party really -is- fun.

I think I'm in the wrong manifold. It would explain so much. . . .

Like I said, I'm in the wrong manifold. What is the manifold? It's the entire set of all possible universes. If there is a possible universe, maybe one in which all of the laws of physics are reversed, then it exists. If it is possible, then it exists. For every possible choice, there exists an entire universe. Makes sense? So, there are an infinite number of universes out there, each entirely sufficient and separate from each other.

And I'm in the wrong one.

I don't belong here. I've never felt like I belonged. I've always felt unwelcome, no matter where I was. I've never felt at home. So something is wrong. Some choice was made, some action effected which had a result which was contrary to what was supposed to happen. For a long time, I've kept this feeling at bay, but no longer.

When I was much younger, I should have died. By all logical accounts and witness, there was nothing that should have kept me alive. But I survived. I wasn't supposed to. I should have died that day so long ago.

That explains the terrible dreams I have five nights out of seven. That explains why I'm haunted, why the white faces stalk me. That's why I'm so broken inside. That's why I'm so tormented.

I don't belong here. And I don't know what to do.

You all shame me with your wisdom. So maybe I'm not supposed to be here. So maybe none of us are supposed to be here. It doesn't change the fact that we do live here. Maybe I was supposed to die. I didn't. At least I know I'm not alone. Perhaps I was just looking at this all wrong. I guess I can think that I was kept alive for a reason. That should give me hope.

So, today was a bloody good day. Unfortunately, I think I spent a fair bit of money, but it was for a good cause. First off, I found a CD that I've been trying to find for nigh three and a half years. And it only cost me about six dollars. Score. Then, I bough three books. One of them I'm really bloody excited about. It's called The Elegant Universe, and it's all about the unified theory of the universe, string theory, quantum mechanics and all that exciting jazz. The other two were Dirk Gently's Holistic Detective Agency by Douglas Adams and Equal Rites by Terry Pratchet.

I found the cd at Dave's, here in Oakland. It's a pretty sweet little cove, I'd completely recommend it to anyone. However, the other music store I checked, CD Warehouse sucked balls. Don't go there. I also ventured into Avalon. It was actually pretty cool there, Nikki would really like it.

I got out of the apartment for a good three hours today, I actually liked it. I should do it more often. Of course, I won't be able to spend money like that every day, but it was cool. Fortunately, I got the books at a used and rare bookstore, so they weren't too expensive.

Oh yeah, I also beat Spiderman 2.

But, the bootom line is that I had a good day. I feel good about it.

That is all.

I've been having some VERY strange dreams of late. . . .

Someone to take your pain.


I don't know why, but I've had some bloody weird dreams lately. Most of them have been savagely violent. Very violent. I've almost been sick upon waking from the brutality. I've also been smoking alot in my dreams. I don't know why at all. I'm really confused about it actually. Why do I keep dreaming about smoking?

Anyway, as I was coming into work today, I-naturally-was stopped at a red light. I looked across the street and saw a stunningly beautiful girl. She was just. . .wow. But then I looked again and almost cried. She had a nose ring. Not some cute little tiny stud. No, it was a big ol' nasty hoop haning on the middle of her nose. *sigh* I was so disappointed.

But then I remembered. Those girls are made of nothing more than lies and perfume. So I . . . .



Sorry, for the break, but for some reason I'm suddenly filled with an intense feeling of. . .lonliness, isolation, sadness of some kind.

Damn, I thought I was better.

The problem is that I see no reason for this. I was just sitting here, waiting for Matt to get here and I'm suddenly unhappy. Maybe I miss her more than I will let myself think.

I had such a good day yesterday! Argh! Now I'm just so confused. Must. . .think. . .positive. . .

Well, I'm going to buy the new Dawn of the Dead in a few days. I'm so excited. I also need to makes some plans for this Halloween. Maybe Cheese and I will go down to Westminster again and hang out with all those clowns. Who knows? Anyway, I'd better end this extra quick before I let myself feel down anymore.

Here's hoping to a better tomorrow.

So, I'm doing alot of gaming. As is to be expected, I suppose. I played the new Mortal Kombat game for about fifteen minutes. And I'm not impressed. It's very sluggish, slow and generally not awesome. Aren't fighting games supposed to be fast?

I also played Burnout 3: Takedown for the PS2. It. Is. Awesome.

You're all a bunch of nerds!

Jbird, you're a sick individual.

I finished my Dirk Gently book. Clearly, I will have to read it again. I'm not quite sure how I feel about it.

But I was able to start reading The Elegant Universe. For some reason, it's so bloody exciting to me, maybe I'm a huge nerd. One interesting note, though. This morning I was reading the book, and I was on a section about the fundamental building blocks of the universe, and I got a phone call. It was from Nikki taking a break from her studying. As it turns out, she was studying the very ideas and concepts that I was at that very moment reading about.

Sweet.

(Give it a shot)

I find that I'm very confused right now.

It's so taxing, so bloody hard. It's so hard to be the reliable one, the dependable one, the trustworthy one, the comfort, the safety.

Where's mine?