Not all is despair. It's not all for nothing. No matter what happens, I still have a friend. I thank you for that.

Like Jon said, I still have so many blank pages left.

As Julia said, it's going to snag me, whether I like it or not.

I'm not going to break. That gives me hope.

I peeked around the corner. Two sharp cracks and the bricks exploded in front of me. I whipped back around, sweat dripping down into my face. I gripped my weapon tightly, I could feel the veins in my hand throbbing.

I cursed softly and stepped out from my cover. I brought my weapon to bear and tightened my finger around the trigger. With a roar the weapon jumped one, two, three times. I heard a cry, and a clatter.

Blowing some of the sweat off my lips, I cautiously moved forward. My target was curled on the ground, the pistol a few steps away. I kicked the pistol to the side. I took aim, knowing if I didn't pull the trigger, I'd find a bullet in my back.

I have a new poem in my content pages.

Streetlight, Starlight

I miss her.

I can only wonder if she misses me.

Why don't you want me anymore?

I'm going to have to disable anonymous commenting....

I was at work last night, just doing my job, as is my wont. When I'm at Blockbuster, I don't really have much to think about, I'm just completely surrounded my movies that we watched together. So all I really have to do is just dwell on my life. I thought about the very earliest days of our relationship.

One day, a combination of a conversation with a friend and an acute fear of letting someone know me again caused me to almost break up with Nikki. I remember that day so well. We sat in my living room for a long time talking. And I remember the moment that I realized that wasn't what I wanted. I wanted to be with her. Despite my fear, I wanted to know her, I wanted to trust her, I wanted her in my life. And I remember the moment that I told her that. The image of the look on her face is something I can never forget. I remember that look of hope and fear, excitement and relief, and a broken heart put back together. If I close my eyes I can still see her face. It was one of the most beautiful things I had ever seen. Her eyes widened slightly, her mouth opened a little, the corners almost smiling. Her lips trembled for a moment and then she threw her arms around me, shaking. I felt so good at that moment. I want a moment like that.

A while ago I was briefly seeing a girl I met through a mutual friend. We had a brief fling, until the day that I realized that I belonged with Nikki. I remember that sudden shock, like hitting a brick wall. That was a wild day, too. I bought the nicest rose I could find and hitched a ride to her campus. *sigh* I waited for her for a long time. For a while, I almost threw my rose away and gave up. I had my hand hovering over the trash can, trying to let the rose fall. But I couldn't. I held on to my crazy belief that we were meant to be. So I held on. And I eventually saw her that night and threw my pride to the wind. I dropped to my knees and let her know. My heart was pounding so hard, that my vision was throbbing, my hands were shaking and damp.

I went home happy that night.

Now, well. I don't know. I only have questions now. What did all that mean? Why can't life be like a movie? Where is my miracle? Where is my rescue?

I guess the only thing I can do is just take a deep breath and keep going.

Have you ever driven down the street without your lights on?

Just gotta find the switch

I sometimes wish that I could be like everyone else. I sometimes wish that I could just bloody fit in. I wish that I could enjoy drinking and partying and all that junk. I wish that I could be like a regular college student. But I can't. Argh. Because I can't be like that, I've feel like I've lost alot of joy and fun that everyone else has. *sigh*